This isn't douche bag 101 sweetie, you're PhD level now...

Every time I think that my ex may be having tremors of human I'm reminded of his true sub humanness. My ex makes good money, over 100K/ year so he's far from slumming it. However, he pleads poverty any time he has to pay child support (which had to be court-ordered b/c of his refusal to pay) or daycare - which he still owes me some from 2009. Our separation agreement had already laid out the pro rata share we both owed for daycare, but he has refused to pay a penny because he doesn't like that my mother is watching our child. She's not retired, and she moved with us to help with our move to Charlotte. She doesn't want the money, but I feel it's right to pay her because she is taking time out of her day and HE and I SHOULD PAY for our child's care when we are at work. It's only 6 days a week, so it's not big money but it is the point of it all. The people who love her don't want her to be in daycare with people we don't know, but her father doesn't give a shit. His vendetta to have everything as he wants it overshadows our daughter's needs every time. He's now decided that he will only pay my mother $1.70 per hour for daycare. My god - he is such a piece of shit. Last week he had emailed me that he was finally going to pay his portion of the daycare and I saw this little ray of hope that progress could be made - and then he told me that he was paying what he and his lawyer thought was reasonable. In what third world country does he want his child cared for? Dear ex husband. YOU are the living, breathing definition of a deadbeat douchebag.

Don't be a douchebag..

Whenever I try and treat my ex like a human it inevitably back fires, because he in fact is inhuman. Humans have a soul, a conscience, some code of morals blah blah blah... These luxuries were not bestowed upon my ex, or at least their existence hasn't been evident to me in the past three years. I try to be flexible and give him extra days to see our daughter, move my schedule around or go out of my way and it blows up in my face. So I ask this politely - please please please. Don't be a douchebag. Sadly, that's like asking the sky not to be blue. Stupid sky.

Ground Zero: The Melting Truth

Ground zero. It was first moment when the crack in his mask was visible, when I could see the truth.The truth doesn't leak out - it forces its way through the lies, melts down the cover ups and is eventually emblazoned on the retinas of the deceived. When his mask crumbled, and the truth was exposed, I didn't want to accept it.

I was 36 weeks pregnant as I sat in the restaurant two days after reading a text message on his phone. It was  from a woman I didn't know. The little digital words that would changed my life were "Are you still in Iowa? I miss you!"

I had been traveling back and forth between Iowa and New York finishing up my job before the baby was due, and he had come to drive me back home to Iowa. I had given up my career to support his, my friends and family and had moved to east bum fuck for him. I was supposed to be heading back home after visiting family for a wedding to set up the nursery in anticipation of our daughter's arrival.

It had been two days, and for those 48 hours I had given him the 10th degree relentlessly. He claimed innocence through his convincing crocodile tears. He made me feel like I was being a jealous pregnant crazy wife - those were his exact words. How could he do anything to hurt me or the baby he claimed? He loved me and the baby more than ANYTHING he claimed.

I don't know exactly what the breaking point was for him, or what I said to make the truth finally explode. I was 36 weeks pregnant as I sat there and heard the words "I had sex with THEM" tumble out of his mouth, freeing him, but imprisoning me. Immediately I wanted him to take it back. TAKE IT BACK - IT CAN'T BE TRUE. In  that moment my mind tried to protect me, and suddenly I was looking down at myself. I wasn't hearing his blubbering explanations or justifications for his actions from across the table - no, I was safely floating above us watching, like this awful thing wasn't actually happening to me. I was just a spectator to this horrible event. The truth melted it all, and not just for me. For my poor unborn daughter. It was so odd, but in that moment all I could focus on was that I wasn't going to be able to put the diapers away in the diaper organizer.